Why You Need to Create & Set Boundaries

Boundaries are the invisible lines that define where you end and others begin. Establishing boundaries does not make you a selfish person. You’re not a bad guy for wanting to protect your peace. Above any union or situation, your peace, mental health, and physiological safety should be highly prioritized.

Your boundaries are meant to protect you from chaotic ties, energy consuming relationships, and things that require you to overexert your peace of mind. Strong boundaries help protect your mental, emotional, and physical space.

Here’s why they matter:

1. Self-Care: Boundaries allow you to prioritize your needs. When you set limits, you create space for self-care and recharge. You attract calmness and clarity when you incorporate clear boundaries. Self-care can be as simple as learning to stay ‘No.’ It’s not feeling guilty for waiting to answer text messages & emails, or declining invitations. You are allowed to distance yourself from old patterns and groups of people that no longer give you peace of mind.

2. Healthy Relationships: Clear boundaries promote respect and understanding in your relationships. They help others know what you will and will not tolerate. When you find yourself being a relentless cheerleader or therapist for emotionally dependent friends & family, and you see the pattern of giving too much of your power away, you need to reassess your boundaries.

3. Reduced Stress: When you communicate your limits, you reduce the anxiety that comes from overcommitting or feeling overwhelmed.

4. Improved Confidence: Establishing boundaries can boost your self-esteem and empower you to take control of your life. Your soul is not a revolving door for other people’s baggage, empty promises and unclear commitments.

Types of Boundaries

1. Physical Boundaries: These relate to your personal space and physical touch. It’s important to communicate what feels comfortable for you.

2. Emotional Boundaries: Protect your feelings and emotional well-being by setting limits on how much you allow others to impact your mood.

Many, many moons ago, nearly fifteen years ago, I heard a song during a shopping trip at Hollister called “Without You” by the band Action Item. The song touched on the topics of breakups, emotional boundaries, and moving on from one-sided relationships. A lyric from the song that I keep in back pocket even now as an adult is: “Look at that sun still shining down here. I’m never going to let your bring your clouds back around here.”

Having emotional boundaries is about safeguarding your heart. People who nonchalantly pop in and out of your life, based on their benefit are toxic to your peace. Imagine being the shoulder to cry on, building that person up, only to rarely hear from them afterwards. It’s quite the same as having a recurring tie who seemingly matches your spirit and meets you in the middle. Except, once that elevated, intense bonding fizzles out, that person fades into a mirage until they decide to call you up or message you weeks later. There comes a point in time where you have to exit stage left.

1. Time Boundaries: Learn to manage your time effectively. This means saying no to activities that drain you or take you away from your priorities. Practice making time limits for those coffee and lunch meetups with friends, so you are able to make time for important errands and deadlines.

2. Digital Boundaries: In our tech-driven world, it’s crucial to set limits on screen time and social media interactions to protect your mental health. Endless scrolling can be unproductive, and time consuming. Do not let your phone interrupt you from being present in your real life.

How to Set Boundaries

1. Identify Your Needs: Reflect on areas in your life where you feel overwhelmed. What situations make you feel uncomfortable? Understanding your needs is the first step to setting boundaries.

2. Communicate Clearly: Use "I" statements to express your boundaries. For example, “I would like quiet time while driving from work to clear my mind. I will talk to you when I get home” is clearer than “You’re always bothering me.”

3. Be Consistent: Once you’ve set a boundary, stick to it. Think of your boundaries as personal values. Consistency helps reinforce your limits and teaches others to respect them.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first. Boundaries are not selfish; they’re a form of self-respect. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to enforce them. You should be transparent about your wants, needs, and non-negotiables.

5. Expect Pushback: Some people may resist your boundaries, especially if they’re used to you being more accommodating. When a highly accessible person puts their foot down, it may come across as passive at first. At the end of the day, you do not have to condone inappropriate or unhealthy behaviors & relationships. Stand firm and remind yourself why these boundaries are important.

The Benefits of Boundaries

Once you start setting and maintaining boundaries, you’ll likely notice positive changes:

• Improved Relationships: Friends and family may appreciate your honesty, leading to more authentic connections and transparent conversations.

• Increased Energy: With less emotional and physical drain, you’ll find yourself with more energy for the things you love. Your life will feel like yours!

• Greater Focus: Boundaries allow you to prioritize what truly matters to you, helping you focus on your longterm goals, values, beliefs, and passions.